i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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