I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We need to get me chipped asap
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
