You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
