I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
God, I missed his penis.
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