If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
