I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
