She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
