I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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