lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
