she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
