if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
