Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
