What did we do last night that was yellow?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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