She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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