this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
