your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize