Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
