i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
There's even glitter on my cock...
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