My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
