$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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