there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
