My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
honey bunches of taint.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
