Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
