So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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