just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
