um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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