Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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