Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
this just has baby written all over it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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