you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
