I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
