My nipple is on Facebook.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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