I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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