i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
