And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
