My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
