Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
