that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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