You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
