Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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