He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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