WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
