Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
