i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
