honey bunches of taint.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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