This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
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