I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
