You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's on the porch naked. Help.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
