I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
