hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am mentally ready for anal.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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