i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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