Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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