While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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